Funny short quotes have a unique way of capturing humor in just a few words, often making us reflect on life’s absurdities. These witty gems can brighten our day and provide a lighthearted perspective on challenges we face.
In this article, we’ll explore a curated collection of funny quotes that not only entertain but also offer subtle wisdom.
Funny Quote
- “My friend thinks he’s smart. He said onions are the only food that makes you cry. So I threw a coconut at his face.”
- “I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones… that’s what it’s called a ‘cell’ phone.”
- “Only trust people who like big butts. They cannot lie.”
- “It’s that time of year where girls look really cute and fashionable in their flannel and I look like I’ve misplaced my ax.”
- “I walk around like everything is fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.”
- “I never make the same mistake twice. I make it like five or six times, you know, just to be sure.”
Funny Quote Of The Day
- When you are asked if you can do a job, tell ’em, ‘Certainly I can!’ Then get busy and find out how to do it.” Theodore Roosevelt
- “Confidence is 10% hard work and 90% delusion.” Tina Fey
- “Hard work never kills anybody, but why take a chance?” Edward Bergen
- “Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called everybody, and they meet at the bar.” Drew Carey
- “There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.” Henry Kissinger
- “I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.” Douglas Adams
- “What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” Phyllis Diller
- “By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be boss and work 12 hours a day.” Robert Frost
- “The road to success is always under construction.” Lily Tomlin
- “Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” Robert Orben
- “Some people see things that are and ask, ‘Why?’ Some people dream of things that never were and ask, ‘Why not?’ Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that.” George Carlin
Silly Quotes
- “Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.” Michael Scott, The Office
- “People say money is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured, if you have enough money, you can have a key made.” Joan Rivers
- “I’m killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness.” Bill Watterson
- “You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.” Mae West
- “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.” W.C. Fields
- “I’m not crazy — I’ve just been in a very bad mood for 40 years.” Ouiser Boudreaux, Steel Magnolias
- “It is not easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do it.” Dorothy Zbornak, The Golden Girls
- “Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.” Paula Poundstone
- “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet service to see who they really are.” Will Ferrell
- “Even I don’t wake up looking like Cindy Crawford.” Cindy Crawford
Short Funny Quotes
- “From the ages of eight to 18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.” Jarod Kintz
- “I’d like to have a kid, but I’m not sure I’m ready to spend 10 years of my life constantly asking someone where his shoes are.” Damien Fahey
- “I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.” Zach Galifianakis
- “I sat quietly with my own thoughts today. Remind me to never do that again.”
- “Can someone please just give me a participation trophy for making it through today please?”
- “When I said that I cleaned my room. I just meant I made a path from the doorway to my bed.”
- “I eat cake because it’s somebody’s birthday somewhere.”
Quote Of The Day Funny
- “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” Thomas Edison
- “Be happy, it drives people crazy.” Paulo Coelho
- “Bad decisions make good stories.” Ellis Vidler
- “Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished— If you’re alive it isn’t.” Richard Bach
- “Aspire to inspire before we expire.” Eugene Bell Jr.
- “The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.” Andy Rooney
- “People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing — that’s why we recommend it daily.” Zig Ziglar
- “To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone, and a funny bone.” Reba McEntire
- “See the world like a big wardrobe. Everybody has his own costume. There is only one that fits you perfectly.” George Harris
- “Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.” Isaac Asimov
Funny Short Quotes
- “Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.” Jules Renard
- “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” Rita Rudner
- “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” Phyllis Diller
- “I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.” Rodney Dangerfield
- “I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.” Les Dawson
- “You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.” Joan Rivers
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Funny Quotes About Life
- “Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” Jim Carrey
- “The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast.” Oscar Wilde
- “Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?” Phyllis Diller
- “If at first, you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” Steven Wright
- “Age is something that doesn’t matter unless you are a cheese.” Luis Bunnuel
- “Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.” Margaret Mead
- “I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.” David Lee Roth
- “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.” Will Ferrell
Conclusion
Funny Short Quotes have a unique ability to lighten the mood and bring smiles to our faces in the busiest of times. These snippets of humor not only serve as reminders of the lighter side of life but also encourage us to share a laugh with those around us.
If you’re looking to inspire a friend, lighten a conversation, or simply enjoy a moment of joy, these quotes are perfect for any occasion.